To That, I Say Never
by CheeseyCraziness
Summary: No, I just couldn't do it. Switching places with Thom was a fairy tale, nothing more. So I had to go along. When I realized my mistake, I promised to never give in again... words from the former Alanna of Trebond
1. Prologue

Disclaimer: I do not own anything you recognize from anything Tamora Pierce has claimed. I'm not saying this again, but know that it's true.

Well, here's a story that popped in to my head when I was remembering how much I hated the Alanna-to-Convent stories. I'm having a lot of plot bunnies recently, and I have no idea why. Never mind, back to my point. Despite the beginning, this is anything but one of those – I promise she won't go there for more than a few. No hints, so you'll just have to wait and see.

As a last remark, I want to say that I made the first part to be almost exactly like Tammy's. I think I did well, since I did it only from memory. Did I?

CheeseyCraziness - Lauren

"That is my decision, and we need not discuss it," said the man at the desk. His two children, identical twins, walked out with frowns.

"Alanna, I can't stand it. He doesn't care about us. He doesn't want us here." Thom, the boy, was pacing around, his red hair dropping to conceal his face.

"We know that!" The girl told him. Her violet eyes were practically on fire in their fury. "There's got to be a way for you to learn sorcery, and for me to fight. We just have to think."

"Thinking probably won't help with that. There's no way we could to anything. Why can't they at least teach knight's sorcery?"

"It's too bad you're not the girl. All the girls are taught to use their magic." Alanna said with a hooked grin.

Suddenly, a thought hit her, and her eyes widened. "Thom, we could trade places!"

Thom looked up at her as though she were crazy.

"Think about it. You can mimic father's handwriting, making new letters! You could go to the convent – they teach young boys before they go to the priests, remember? And I could dress as a boy and go the palace to be a knight!"

"That's the craziest thing I've ever heard! How can we fool Coram and Maude, when they can tell us apart! You'll be weaker than the others, and you'll turn into a girl! You know, with a chest and all?"

"I could hide all that, with Coram's help. We could tell him we'll curse him if he objects, and for Maude," she paused, biting her lip. "I think we could talk her around, right?"

"No. I'm not helping you with that. It's hopeless, just a fairy tale Alanna. It wouldn't work. I'll go the palace, willing or not, and you go to the convent. That's the way of it and we can't do anything about it."

She sighed. "You're right. It's just a fairy tale. Never mind. Let's go get some sleep – we have a big ride ahead of us, and I would prefer to be rested for it."

Alanna and Thom, more upset than they had ever been, left and made their way to bed.


	2. 1, Tours and Talks

I just want everybody to know three things before I begin: 

One, reviews make me update faster: they give inspiration!

Two, I had HUGE writer's block – even for reviewing – recently, for everything. I'm really sorry, but I think my ideas are coming back slowly now – which is why this is here.

Three, I realize the prologue was practically the same as Pierce's, and I'm sorry if you didn't like that. This chapter will be similar at the beginning too, but you'll see what happens! Oh, and all chapters start with a quote that will be somewhere in my story.

-------------------------

"_No, I just couldn't do it. Switching places with Thom was a fairy tale, nothing more. So I had to go along. When I realized my mistake, I promised to never give in again..." -Alanna_

If you were asked who was unhappier, Alanna or Thom, the wisest answer would be saying you couldn't tell. One way, you'd get beaten up, and the other, you'd see hallucinations for months.

The twins were given one last chance to talk to each other.

"Well, there's nothing we can do now, Thom. Happy?"

"No, but it's better than having you killed for trying to be a girl knight. We'll live through this, like it or no, but we wouldn't live through an execution, would we?"

"You're right, Thom. I can only wish." She said. The twins hugged for a long moment, before silently getting on their horses. Not a word was said as they left, and not a word was said by either for a long, long time.

……………………………

"Well, child, here we are," Maude told the sulking Alanna. The girl grunted, and shivered into her cloak.

"How may I help you?" A cheerful lady asked them, as they neared the wall around the convent.

"Alanna of Trebond has arrived to stay at the convent," Maude told the lady.

"Great! I'm Lady Charlanie, and it just so happens I'm to be your helper on your arrival. It's not very good weather to start your instruction, so may I give you some guest rooms for the night? You can send your horses along with Mistress Mayia over there."

"Thank you, Lady Charlanie. I'm sure Alanna will be glad to sleep on this late, rainy night."

Alanna didn't care if it was a Convent or a haunted house. She just wanted to sleep. "Thank you, Lady Charlaine," she said grumpily. "I'd prefer that."

……………………………

The next day, a cheerful Lady Charlanie showed her all around. She learned where her classes were. They included manners, cooking, cleaning, dancing, dressing up, and all sorts of other things that Alanna loathed. The more she saw, the more she hated the place.

At lunch and at supper, nobody sat with her. The all-too-polite ladies took the hint plastered on her face – her frown said she was not to be disturbed, and anybody who ignored it got a glare that would bend metal.

When she had seen everything, she was guided to her room to sleep.

"That's it. Maude, I can't stand it here. I have to leave. Now."

Maude looked sternly at the girl. "Alanna, you can't. All noble ladies _must_ go to the convent. You're noble, aren't you?"

"What's so great about being _noble_ anyway? All it's brought me is trouble. I can't do this, I can't do that, I have to learn this, the only people who let me do things are my commoner friends, and most commoners think nobles are stuck up and ignore me! I made the wrong decision coming here."

Maude looked at her, kindly this time, but still serious. "Alanna, you're born noble. You can't change that. Don't bother with what's already happened. You can't change the fact that you're here right now, because you made that decision yourself. Change what's happening now and maybe in time you'll like it here. But don't look back. Just focus on now."

Alanna bit her lip. Maude was right. She had to do something now, and not think about her past decision. "Okay, Maude. Maybe you're right. I can't change what's happened, but I can change what I do in the present. Presently, I think I'll go to sleep. Fair?"

"Alright, then. Good night, Alanna." She turned over and fell asleep. Alanna turned, and waited. An hour later, she got out of bed, took her things, and hopped out the open window to make her escape.

-------------

Well? Was it good enough? Review and let me know!


	3. 2, Wandering Through

Hello! Here it is! Thanks for reviewing! Umm, I can't think of anything else to say, so, here you go! Oh, wait! Review replies! For last chapter too! 

Tortallanrider: Thanks! I'm going to write slightly longer ones from now on. I'm surprised there was such a thing as being short and NOT rushed. That felt like a nice complement. Yay. Oh, and about the "recite Jon's description?" I'd love to see that! That's really neat.

Drop Your Oboe: Oh, you give me too much credit! And of course you could use it for something, so long as my name's mentioned _somewhere_!

Buttons7: As you might see, I'm not doing that now. I know the prologue was practically plagiarized, but not this one. Or chapter 1.

And remember – I LOVE REVIEWS!

------------------

Once again, Alanna went over the scene in her mind, as she packed her blanket up. It had all gone so wrong.

……………………

"_I am very disappointed in you, Alanna." Lord Alan of Trebond told his daughter. "You know you are a noble lady, correct? Noble ladies are expected to go to the convent, and learn the things noble ladies learn. Now, maybe other families would be lenient on this, but the Trebond blood is bluer than nearly all the families in Tortall. We are from the Book of Gold, and we are the noblest nobles there could ever be."_

_Alanna had been squirming in her chair through all of this, her face showing nothing other than her obvious discomfort._

_Lord Alan stood and turned to look her in the eyes. "Never did it cross my mind that a true blooded one such as my own child would attempt to do otherwise. This cannot be stood for, Alanna. Running away, cutting your hair and dressing in boy's clothes, trying to pass as a commoner, and worst of all, trying to learn the fighting arts of men from a man? No ladies have ever done such a thing."_

"_I am furious. You do not deserve the name Trebond, my daughter, if you want to be common so badly. No! You are not my daughter, Alanna of Trebond, any longer. You, Alanna the Commoner, are to leave at once. Go. Never return."_

_Alanna bit her lip and ran out. She ran to her room, grabbed her little pocket money and a few essential things from her commoner friend Minara._

_She ran to the stables. She didn't care what happened to her at her old home any more, because the Lord of Trebond would never bother with her again. She found the mare she knew as Firegem, and rode out at a quick pace. At last she let a tear escape. She would never have to worry about doing "noble" duties again, right? She should be happy. _

_But she knew the reason, and simply denied it. She didn't care if she never saw her father, Maude or Coram again. But she was just too young to give up her home, and her innocent brother. Deep inside, she would miss Trebond, and the chapter of her life that had made her who she was._

At last her daydream, or maybe nightmare, ended.

She shook her head, trying to clear it from her mind. It was like Maude had said. The past couldn't ever change. She could only move on to whatever was next for her, and make the best of that.

For days she had rode, and then slowly walked, the way to Corus. She knew that she could find work there, legal or no, and hoped it would be soon before she ran out of money from selling Firegem.

Finally, she had arrived. After _trying_ to sleep that late night, she had woken up around midnight, and now she was ready to go into Corus and find herself a real bed to sleep in. She walked into Corus, a place which would have been visible even without the shine from the moon. Many of the houses had candles still on, leading her down a new path.

She was awed: at Trebond, nobody was up this late, but by now she was far enough in town that people of all walks were going places. She was so lost and amazed that she didn't notice the man trailing her, until she felt something brush the pockets in her worn breeches. She looked back to see a man walking just steps behind her, innocently looking at the moon. In all honesty, she had to admit the moon was worth looking at, but his face was unconvincing at best.

He noticed her glance. "It's a nice night, isn't it? I'm thinkin' of staying out 'ere just t'watch it." The man spoke with a distinct city accent, but he seemed to think about every word too. He still looked at the moon.

"Yes, I agree. It'd be even nicer for you if you gave me my money back," she told him lightly, but Alanna's glare was poisonous.

The man turned and grinned. "Not bad. Then again, I wasn't trying. Here you are. I promise it's all there." He tossed a little pouch to her. She was no fool, and counted the coins. They were all there, every last one. "I don't break promises," The man told her as she looked at him oddly.

"Why did you return it?" she asked him suspiciously. "I know a thief when they look me in the eye."

"It's no fun keepin' money that you been caught with, is it? And maybe we could say I have a little soft spot for young lasses like you." He said cheerily. "What might ye be doin' this late, may I ask?"

Alanna couldn't help smiling. This man was very friendly, and polite, too. "Honestly, I'm trying to find a place to stay the night."

"Are you? I know a place, if you don't mind. I'm a friend there, and I'm sure they'd give a lady a room to 'erself. It's called the Dancin' Dove. I'll get you in."

"Could you? I'd like that, if you stop calling me 'lady.' I'm just Alanna," she explained.

"Okay, 'just Alanna,'" the man said, startling a laugh out of the girl. "I'm just George, then. Follow me," George said, and at last she was on her way to a good night's sleep.

---------------------

I've said it before, I'll say it again: review! I hope you like it!


	4. 3, City Life

Hello! As usual, I thank you for reviewing. They inspire me all the time. 

Drop Your Oboe: I know, I haven't quite perfected the city speech, yet. But I'm pretty sure that Coram's accent is much worse than George's, so at least I'm right there, I think.

Epobbp: I just did, as you can see. So there!

Darling1357: Thank you! People like you make my day.

I'm not quite sure if I'll enjoy writing this, for some reason. Oh, well! Here it is!

---------------

Alanna woke up, feeling refreshed. Even with the noise from downstairs last night, she was able to ignore it, and got a good sleep for the first time in a few days. On the small table by her bed was a small glass of lemonade. On the floor was her bag, in precisely the same position and with all of her things. Next to her lemonade was a note from George, telling her about some places in Corus she would like to know, and promising that the lemonade was free. She tucked it away with her things, making a mental reminder to thank him if she saw him again.

After dressing in her shirt and breeches again, she set out, making her way through the crowd downstairs as quickly as possible. Now that she knew where some places were, she should stay a while to get some supplies other than the basics: she still had the same two pairs of clothing she had taken with her, and needed some other things too.

She quickly found a place to buy clothing. With her hair cut short, she passed as a boy and was able to get comfy breeches rather than being forced to buy skirts. After a little more shopping for other things, she had much less money, but knew it was necessary. At last she came back to the Dancing Dove, with a new objective set on her mind; she wanted to find George. Maybe, just maybe, he could find her a good job for an orphan girl, and a place to stay in Corus. She liked the city and was considering finding a way to stay there.

Entering the Dancing Dove, she ran to her temporary room, dropped off her things, left and locked the door. She went down the narrow stairway, and found George sitting at a nearby table. She walked up to the man quietly.

"Alanna! Hello," George said, grinning when he saw her. "Can we talk somewhere?"

"I was about to ask the same thing," she replied, and followed him up the stairs and through a doorway she hadn't noticed before. Inside was a collection of books, a desk, and a few seats. She guessed this was a study.

"I was wondering," she began, "if you knew a place I could stay in Corus, and a job I could do. It's a nice place, even if it _is_ big, and thanks to your note I know where I can get things," she finished. George looked a bit astonished.

"Well, that makes my day. It fits right in with what I was wantin' t'ask you. I've been watchin' you, lass, and I think you fit the bill for a job I need to fill. This inn 'ere is the place that The Rogue, all the people that live by their wits, meet. It's also the place where the King of the Rogue rules his people. I'm the King of the Rogue right now. What I need is an friend, somebody unknown, who might have the right kind of mind and attitude t'learn to fight with weapons, and who takes notice of their surroundings. Maybe they could have the Gift to help them 'round some hard tasks. They would need to be somebody who doesn't seem like the kind of person to be good at that sort of thing, perhaps young, or maybe a girl. Do y'catch my drift?" He had his back turned all this time, and finally looked back to see Alanna staring at him.

"No. I won't turn you in, or tell about you, I promise, but you can't make me into a thief. I have my honor."

"The Rogue are the most honorable thieves there are. They live by a code. Please, I really do need a friend to help me keep the order 'round here."

"No, I can't. Thanks for helping me so very much, but I won't go astray from the law. Honor is important to me."

"Honor, you say?" He hesitated. "Is it because you're a lady? You came in noble clothing, lass, even if it was torn and mud-splashed a bit."

"_I'm no lady!_" Alanna shouted at him, suddenly furious. "And I don't want to be one, ever! I'm just me, a commoner, but I still have my pride."

George's eyebrows were raised. "Okay, then. I won't force you to go against your will. I won't leave you stranded, either; I'll help you find something. But I just want you to know that the Rogue would take in anybody, even a disgraced lady."

Alanna sighed, trying to calm down. Here she was, yelling at a man who had helped her out with no reason for doing so. She should know better. "I'm sorry, I just can't. But thank you. Thank you, thank you, and thank you."

"You're welcome, lass. You can stay another night or two. I'll look around for somewhere you can help, and I'll tell you if I find something you might be interested in." His voice was the kindest she had heard in her life. Nobody had ever been that nice to her.

She got up to leave. Halfway out the door, she remembered something. "George? Why _me_?"

He smiled. "I have the Gift. It lets me know who to trust, and who I should meet. And I've found ignorin' it won't help me. That's why, lass. I'll see you soon."

She left thinking, both about the answer he had given her, and the answer she had given him.

--------------

Well? I really don't like that chapter for some reason. It felt like I was being mean to both Alanna and George. R-E-V-I-E-W!


	5. 4, What She Learns

Here I am, giving this given-up story another shot. I will say no more.

-Lauren

………………….

Alanna left her rooms in a confused state. She didn't want to reflect on George's comments that day, instead choosing to focus on finding work in Corus. The note George had given her suggested some good options. Now that she had more clothes and other things she would need, she would start looking for a job down the streets he had named.

Sadly, she had managed to pick one of the more chilly afternoons in September. The sun was nearly set, and it was only five hours after noon. That morning, with the sun up high, had been warm, but today everybody was closing up early and the few shops left were either completely impossible for her to work at or simply couldn't afford help. She had no choice but to give up for the day.

By the time she was ready to return, she had gotten over the – fight? No, not really a fight, just a little argument perhaps – and started to really think on what George had said to her.

She had been of noble blood, but that was no more. She had to get used to that. She had expected somebody to see her and whisk her away to a perfect job on the street, or something – that's how it might have happened at Trebond, where everybody would be honored to have her working there. For a moment, Alanna realized just how spoiled the noble children of Tortall were. Alanna was ashamed.

If she was now a commoner, she thought, she shouldn't have any noble pride. Maybe she couldn't get rid of her stubbornness and bad temper, but no commoner would think twice about becoming a thief. She was also foolish – George had given her a way to live, a good "job" with mostly good rewards, if she succeeded. She had denied him with her foolish pride, had foolishly set out on to the streets alone, and foolishly searched for a job she wouldn't get.

It truly struck her, just then, that she was now worth absolutely nothing. And after the way she had just treated George, she wouldn't be surprised at all if he decided she wasn't deserving of his good charity.

Alanna sighed as she opened the door to the Dancing Dove. Thankfully, nobody noticed, and her things were still in her room – she wasn't going to be kicked out.

That meant she owed George something big. She hated apologies, and hated admitting she was wrong even more. But if it meant money and a place to call home, which she might soon lose, it was something she had to do.

……………..

When Alanna awoke late the next morning, she immediately went to the main room of the Dove to find George. Her eyes were guarded in her anxious state, and she refused to look directly at him.

"Nice to see you up," George remarked happily. He looked much too awake for her pleasure. "What do you need, lass?"

"To...apologize," she mumbled, half-wincing as she did so. "In private, please?"

George nodded in mute understanding and with a word to his table-mates he took Alanna to a hidden room she didn't even know existed.

Once they had gotten themselves settled, she began, her eyes looking at the floor in her shame. "George, I'm sorry. I was foolish and prideful. I know I'm young, but even at this age I really should have known better. I'd like to take your offer, if you will still give it, but if you feel I don't deserve anything I completely understand. I practically slapped you in the face yesterday, and I hope you can forgive me."

She didn't dare look up. She felt George's eyes on her, watching her carefully. She fidgeted. Silence reigned for many seconds.

At last she looked up. George was just looking at her thoughtfully.

"You'll really take up my offer?" he asked. She nodded hard, and he began to grin. Alanna sighed in relief as the tension melted away. "Good. I'm glad. This is how it works – you'll help me steal, you'll guard my life, you'll do whatever needs doing for the Rogue and for me. You report directly to me, and directly take my orders. Once you reach the proper standing, you yourself can command Rogues – if you're up to it. If this all winds up badly, I'll have to force you to leave, but I certainly won't kick you out or anything – I'll give you a good purse and such to be on your way. If you're ever caught, you'll have to be killed somehow, and it's not hard for somebody to attack a young miss like you when you're caught unawares. But that's only the bad side."

"Alanna, if you turn out to be a good Rogue, you will have the highest standing there is next to mine. You may do as you please. You will have learnt knife-fighting, hand-to-hand combat and perhaps other weapons that suit you might make their way into your training. You will have money, you will have a place to live – that's the Dove, lass – and with any luck you will have my friendship." George's teeth flashed in a grin. "Of course, that's probably the most valuable one of all. It'll be hard work to earn your way, but something tells me you can do it. Can you?"

Alanna had listened to it all in shock. The offer was dangerous, but it was also extremely generous and the prospect of learning to fight was something she couldn't believe. She loved this idea.

But there was one thing she had to say.

"Yes, George. Definitely. I'm" - she gulped and swallowed, amazed she was actually going to say this. It made her terrified to realize what she was resorting to, but she had to, and the rest of the offer was too amazing to give up – "willing to steal now, if that's what it takes to be part of the Rogue."

"Great!" George said with a laugh. "I got myself a good assistant at last!"

She had to grin – his laughter was infectious. But even so, she felt like a traitor to her own kin, to her friends, and to herself. A shadow rested on her mind where the memories of Trebond and of her old, respectable life lay, but she didn't let her mind see that part of her thoughts today. This was a day to celebrate – Alanna was to be a Rogue and live well for the rest of her days, never having to mess around with noble stupidity again.

She hoped.

……………..

Her first true day of being a Rogue began in a secluded little alleyway near the Dove. She stretched out while George did the same. George had decided that Alanna's size had to be made up for with some of the smarter tricks he knew – way to make up for weight and height differences. Alanna found herself thrown into the wall many, many times. By the time George let up on his attack, she had learned a lot more. It would take many days of practice to learn the things he had showed her, but she was determined to learn – in the Lower City, she knew, a trick or two could mean the difference between life and death.

George and a few other trusted Rogues who were introduced as Rispah, the Lady Rogue, and Ercole, one of George's group of very loyal men. She decided she like Rispah, who was nice if a bit teasing, immediately. Ercole seemed a little quiet and mistrustful, but after the first few minutes of eating he seemed to calm down and turned into a nice man who deserved her respect. She didn't tell either of them any of this. She instead kept an impassive look on her face. If she didn't have her emotions under control, as George had told her that morning, there might be trouble between her and the other Rogues. It was best she stayed silent and wary.

Over a nice bit of lemonade and some meat for lunch, she learned many names and many different aspects of the Rogue's code of honor. There were so many rules to learn – there was no turning other criminals in, no stealing without the Rogue's permission, requirements to have for any would-be King of the Rogue, and much more. She took it all in with silence, learning as much as she could.

Later, George took her out into the city. She walked with him and watched as he managed to successfully pickpocket many of the people he passed on the streets. He showed her things to look out for and ways to distract others. By the end of the day, her head was packed and her body ached. The torture she had been put through in the morning had finally gotten to her.

Despite all of it, Alanna the Rogue-in-training decided it had been a good day. She felt like she was born to do this. Pickpocketing seemed like something she could and would master, given the chance. The difficult throws she'd learned would take ages to learn, but she would need them and she loved even just practicing any sort of fighting. The honor code the thieves lived by was very strict, and she had no doubt that it was something she would appreciate at some point. She would learn, she would learn well, and she would love doing it.

Alanna flopped on to her bed and was out in moments.

………………

_Alanna, dressed in the brilliant red and gold uniform a page wore, looked the boy standing in front of her over, up and down and up again. He had hair the color of coal, and eyes that could only be described as a brilliant blue sapphire. He wore an air of command very easily, as though anything he said should be important no matter what was going on. He also gave off the impression of a good sense of humor, a somewhat easygoing nature. Who was this person?_

"_This is the prince!" One of the boys on the right whispered. Alanna took in a breath in shock, and bowed deeply to Prince Jonathan, heir to the realm of Tortall._

_They talked about somebody called "Ralon," and she introduced herself. The boys near the Prince introduced themselves also as Gary, Raoul, Francis, and Alex – all of them training to be pages. Alanna, or "Alan," decided she liked these pages. They might be her friends, maybe. The tall, sarcastic boy called Gary decided to take her in and sponsor her, meaning to show her all the palace, how to get around it, how life worked at court when one learned how to be a knight, and how to not tattle on anybody under penalty of exclusion from anything for the rest of her life. It would be fun. The boy Alan of Trebond decided he was going to like life at the palace._

…………………

Alanna awoke from the odd dream in the middle of the night. It took her a few moments to remember where she was - in her rooms at the Dancing Dove. She was not at the palace, learning to fight and learning the ways of chivalry. She was here in the Lower City, learning to steal and to follow the code of honor among Rogues. It was the same, right?

She knew it wasn't. It could never be. The dream had only been a stupid little dream, a figment of her imagination. She would never be able to do any such thing. This was the path she had chosen.

Did she like it? Alanna wasn't entirely sure. She thought she did. But even those thoughts could not banish the tears in her eyes, formed from the remains of lost dreams.

………………

Well, there you are. Like it? Review, please. Yay…


End file.
